Facing Another Day
by fuzzylovescats
Summary: Set the day/evening before the trip involving the female-type titan's attempted capture. Auruo x Petra. (Whether or not Petra reciprocates Auruo's romantic feelings, or not… really depends on how you interpret it.) Focusing on Auruo's mentality, and how he reacted to death of his comrades etc. Cannon-ish. Hurt/comfort, emotional distress. Hope you enjoy :)


_**Facing Another Day**_

SnK FanFic

by Fuzzylovescats

He was scared. He was alone - alone with his thoughts, again.

...

The next day, they would go beyond the walls, once again. The next day, they would travel deep into titan territory. The next day, he would have to watch more friends die.

The sun beat down on Auruo's head, as his body rose and fell with each step of his horse. His squad was rehearsing special manoeuvre which was supposedly going to be used on a very important mission the next day. His dirty-blonde hair, filled with sweat, flopped forwards and backwards over his forehead, as the throbbing of the horses hives matched the throbbing of his tired, over-worked heart.

For the last four years, he had been a member of the humankind's only army. For the last four years, he had dedicated his life to freeing humankind from the oppression of the titans. During the last four years, he had seen more friends die than he ever thought possible.

After so long, the weight of the burden had caught up with him, and he felt like he was about to crumble when considering the mission the next day. He desperately tried to prove to his comrades, and to himself, that he could take it all, without feeling any pain - like his squad leader, Levi, did. However, underneath the pressure of the next day's mission, Auruo had begun to buckle. He could not keep the act up any longer.

His horse trotted on, totally unaware of the immense importance of the manoeuvre they were practicing. Auruo looked around, to see his fellow scouting legion members all faithfully holding their positions in the formation. Everything was going to plan. If only it was always like that, outside the walls. He saw, at the head of the formation, the man who he admired so greatly, giving directions without so much as a hint of nerves. How Auruo longed to be like him.

…

In the past, Auruo had tried to imitate Levi's mannerisms, hopping to gain some of his emotional control that way. He thought that it was by forbidding himself to feel human emotion that Levi kept his cool. Thus, whenever Auruo felt at his most desperate, he would adopt a most abrupt tone, using a foul mouth and harsh manners to mask the turmoil he was experiencing. Auruo also supposed this mask would prevent others from seeing his weakness, and losing faith in him.

Levi seemed to have everything under control in _his_ life, despite the toxic chaos surrounding him. That was what made him humanity's strongest - his ability to keep calm and hold his nerve, no-matter what was thrown at him.

Levi also had one thing for which Auruo longed: the _admiration_ of the most beautiful creature alive.

…

Alone with his thoughts, and the sound of wind rustling across the field and through the trees, Auruo could feel his heart beginning to ache from the thought of facing another day of death, and of the thought of letting his team down. He did not want to admit it to himself, let alone anyone else, but he was scared out of his wits.

"Come on, you blasted idiot!" he muttered, frustrated at himself. "You're strong enough to take this!"

He gritted his teeth together, as visions of the deaths of so many of his friends passed before his eyes. How powerless he felt, when he remembered how quickly they had been snatched and bitten away from life. Could he really keep his cool again? Would he be able to stick to the plan the next day, and serve humanity to the last? He desperately focused his mind on the manoeuvre, temporarily trying to drown out his thoughts.

Far ahead of him, Levi was talking to a fellow member of Squad Levi, Petra Ral.

Over the head of his galloping horse, Auruo looked up to see Levi pointing out towards the edge of the horse-riding formation, and informing Perta of some detail of its role in the manoeuvre. Auruo watched as Petra's flicked her golden hair while turning her head to see the object of Levi's instruction. It was as thought an anti-depressant had been injected directly into his blood-stream. Just looking at her lifted him from the despair which had begun to clutch yet again at his mind. His eyes were filled with admiration and longing, as he used every spare moment between directing his horse to carefully appreciate every graceful move she made. To him, she was like an angel which had come from Heaven, to try to mend the chaos on Earth.

...

Levi's sharp voice called out from up ahead, "Look sharp! Maintain positions until the last!"

Auruo sat upright in his saddle, and spurred his horse to pick up it's pace, so that it could maintain its position in the manoeuvre's complicated end. All those involved in the practice preserved their correct positions, meaning that the practice had been successful.

As the squad galloped back towards the main camp, spirits raised from their previous depression, due to the hope that the successful practice had yielded. Hope for a successful mission the following day lay before the Scouting Legion's eyes - it was a far-fetched hope, yet an irresistible one.

...

The squad returned to camp, and began to dismount their horses. Dirt was flicked into the air as hooves kicked around on the bare ground - a contrast to the grassy fields and forest which lay beyond.

Auruo stopped his horse next to where Petra stopped hers.

"That was a bloody good practice, aye?" He asked, acting far more confident than he really was. His eyes anxiously searched her face for any sign of what she thought about it.

Petra smiled at Auruo. Just the response he had wanted.

Her sweet voice echoed the same attitude, "Yes! It makes me think that tomorrow may turn out ok, after all."

Auruo carefully watched how her mouth turned up at the dyes as she pronounced the words, how her hair bobbed from side to side as she spoke, and how she gently stroked the mane of the scruffy but well-loved horse she was riding. He thought that she was even more beautiful then, with her cheeks flushed from the exercise of the ride and her hair wind-swept, than she had ever been before.

Auruo did not reply, lost in the moment of relief she offered him.

...

The horse Auruo had been riding gave a sudden neigh, reminding it's pre-occupied rider that he had yet to dismount. Auruo hurried to jump off his horse, while scanning the vicinity for Petra, who had moved over several metres, to where Squad Leader Levi was standing. She was smiling and laughing, lifting the spirits of all around her as always, despite her internal apprehension over the next day's mission. Once again, Auruo was captivated.

He began to remove the saddle from the horse, wile still keeping his eyes focused on Petra. As he slid his hand upward to undo the final buckle, he felt a jab of pain, as a small, sharp, piece of wire which had come loose from the saddle tore into his lower arm. Auruo let out a sharp yell as he jumped backwards from the shock of the pain. This set his startled horse on edge, causing it to kick its front legs into the air.

Auruo desperately grabbed at the horse's reins, and began soothing the horse. As he lifted his left arm to stroke the horse, he was reminded of his injury by a throbbing pain. While the horse calmed down, Auruo tentatively glanced over his shoulder to where Petra was standing. Had she noticed? Had Levi noticed?

Oh how he hoped they hadn't. He felt mortified at the thought that they had seen his accident with the horse.

As Auruo led his horse away to its stable, a thin line of blood had begun to trickle down from where his skin has been torn. When the horse was secure, he turned around, again glancing towards where Petra and Levi were talking.

Their eyes met his.

Levi leaned toward Petra, and quietly mentioned something to her, to which she replied with a smile and a nod.

Auruo blushed, then grimaced; he was mortified. Doing his best to use his well-practiced act of gruffness to hide his insecurity, he lowered his head and mumbled to himself as he walked over to the well. He sat down on a low step next to the well, and began to inspect his arm.

...

Watching the blood trickle out of his arm, Auruo felt helpless, again. He hated this feeling. He had become so accustomed to it as a child, when he would struggle to look out for all of his younger siblings in one of the poorer areas inside the walls. He could remember staring up at the wall and wishing that it wasn't there. That the titans weren't there. That his family wasn't poor. He desperately wanted to change things, to help, but he was powerless.

"Tomorrow, we're going to try to take a step forward for humanity, but I still feel so useless!" He kicked the ground ahead of him.

He ran his hand over his face, and up into his hair. He could feel grains of dirt amongst his hair, and the cool moistness of the sweat from earlier.

He began to take out his handkerchief from his pocket to attend to his wound. As his right hand began to wipe the blood away from the tear, the sound of boots on the gravel ahead caught his attention, and caused him to look up.

...

"Ah, uh, Petra," he said as the blonde looked down from above. He jumped to his feet, wincing as he used his injured arm to hoist himself up.

Trying to assert that he did not need help, he adopted his gruff tone, "Ah, the flaming saddle caught my arm. I can handle it though. Actually, it doesn't even hurt." He forced a laugh, searching her face for some sign of reaction.

Petra's facial expression remained unchanged from the slightly bemused one she had worn upon her approach.

"Auruo," her voice sounded golden. She sounded so calm.

"Uh, yes?" Auruo blushed, and looked back down and wiped at his arm, trying to hide his face from her gaze.

"Sit down, and let me look at your arm," Her voice melted through his forced rudeness, her genuine care forced him to obey.

They both sat down, Petra helping Auruo to keep his arm still. He looked down at the ground beside him, pretending to be interested in a small weed growing through a crack in the step.

Why did she have to see him like this? He didn't want anyone to know - to know what he was really feeling. What would they think of him?

"We're all scared, you know?" She said in her sweet voice as she gently took the handkerchief from his now trembling hands.

"Huh? What are you talking about? He looked over at the stables, trying to hide the tears that were welling up in his eyes. As usual, she had seen right through him. She had always scolded him for his gruffness, because she was the only one who knew what it meant. She knew it was all a cover.

He desperately tried to keep composure as she inspected the wound.

Her fingers were so delicate. They gently wiped away the dried and fresh blood, which had mingled with dirt and sweat. They gently bandaged the area, using Petra's own clean handkerchief. They stroked the arm, gently, as his mother used to when, he was a child.

_..._

"Auruo, I feel it too - the helplessness, the loneliness… the fear." She looked up, into his eyes, not wanting him to miss what she was trying to say.

Auruo met her eyes, his face revealing that she had hit on exactly what he was feeling. "I'm really trying, Petra," his voice faded away as he screwed up his face, desperately trying to retain control of his emotions.

The sun had begun to set, with a cool breeze gently heralding the arrival of evening. Petra glanced around, seeing that the rest of the corps had gone inside.

She then leaned forwards, allowing her blonde hair to fall past the sides of her face, and gently rest on her legs.

Auruo looked on, confused, as her back began to quiver. She remained in that position for a moment, then sat up, raising her eyes to the darkening skies above. Her eyes were filled with the tears of desperation - the same ones that had been perched on the verge of Auruo's eyes all that day. When Auruo saw this, he broke down.

"Petra, I'm so sorry for this. That I'm not stronger." The tears began to roll down Auruo's cheeks. "I just feel so alone. There's so much death. So much of it. It makes me feel like.. like I can't breathe anymore."

"It's ok, Auruo. It's really ok." She grabbed his hand, wrapping her fingers around his.

He held tightly to her hand, as if he was clinging to reality itself "Sometimes," he whispered, "when I'm at my worst, I want to kill myself rather than go back out there."

Through her swollen throat, Petra choked out, "I understand… I know what you're feeling. Please, don't … don't be ashamed… I feel it so very badly, too."

The sky had begun to glow with an orange hue, and in the east, stars had become faintly visible.

….

He could remember the first time she had done this - cried with him. It had happened years ago, not long after they had become fully-fledged Recon Corps members.

One expedition beyond the walls had resulted in even more casualties than usual. On that day, so long ago, Auruo had heard a blood-curdling scream from one of his comrades, begging for help, begging for a chance to live. Auruo had rushed to save his friend from the death which the titan grabbing at him was promising. As Auruo rose in the air using his 3DMG, aiming to strike at the nape of the monster's neck, the titan's great arm swooped. Standing small amongst the titan's enormous body, his friend was finally snatched between two massive fingers, and crushed between the tombstone teeth of the titan. Auruo saw his friend's blood splatter across the green grass and soft flowers at the feet of the titan which ate him.

Despite his best efforts, Auruo had been unable to save him.

It was only by seconds, but Auruo had been beaten by the titan, and his friend had died.

That night, at dinner, Auruo had broken down. He had already seen far too many deaths at the hands of the titans, but this time, he had really felt broken. Not wanting the others, especially Levi, to see his tears, he had shoved his plate away and hurriedly excused himself to his room on the grounds of tiredness. Empty, and utterly alone, he had sat in his small, bare room, hot tears flowing from his burning eyes.

It had been Petra, who, a few moments later, had followed him and shared his tears. They both sat in silence in Auruo's room, weeping for everything they had seen, everyone they had lost. There had not been a need for them to speak; each already knew what the other was feeling.

It was that evening, through the bitter streams of tears and heartache, that Auruo had looked up at Petra, and known that she understood him. She knew of his weakness, but she still trusted him. She knew of how broken he was, but she was still his friend. It was then that Auruo knew that he loved her.

…..

Auruo drew his legs up towards his chest, placing his right arm across his knees. "How do you do it, then?" His voice was quivering. "How come you managed to smile today, even though you feel like this? How come you told me that you were hopeful about tomorrow?" He wiped his eyes, smearing tears across his face which had become dirty during the long day. He looked at the ground, shaking his head. "I don't understand it."

Her red eyes again met his.

"It's because… Every friend I've lost to the titans, every innocent life taken… they all believed that they were dying for something - that there _is something_ in this world worth dying for…" Petra looked out to the tree-line, where birds were returning to their nests for the night. "Everyone who I've met in the Survey Corps, they all joined for that same cause. There is some goodness in this world. It's _not_ always right in front of us, and sometimes it seems like it's not even there…. but I'm sure it does exist." She sat upright, and the words came pouring out, through her tears. "That's why I try to stay positive … even when I feel desperate." She paused, then went on, "I _want_ to help find that goodness. I want to take the world back from the titans - even if I have to die for it."

He could feel the warmth of her belief; it became stronger with every word she spoke.

Auruo looked at her, in absolute awe. "You're so strong, Petra. You're stronger than I'll ever be." He smiled, genuinely, though his face was still wet with tears.

She smiled back at him, looking deep into his eyes. "You just have to believe in what you'e fighting for, Auruo. Trust us … trust in Squad Levi; we're all fighting for the same cause."

Petra began gently stroking his hand with her thumb. She ran her gentle fingers over the cracks and scratches his hands had earned in the Scouting Legion, and gently ran her hand over the bandaged wound. It was so soothing. "Auruo, I believe that … that you are more than strong enough. I _know_ who you _really_ are … and I _know_ that you _can_ keep on fighting."

...

Auruo filled his lungs with the fresh evening air. The breeze brought the fresh smell of pine trees from across the field, reminding him of when he had used to play amongst them as a child. They had seemed so beautiful when he had used to look up at them, in wonder.

Auruo reached out his right hand, gently touching Petra's face. Her tears had cooled, but her cheeks were still red.

"Petra, thank you, thank you for making me feel like i can keep fighting again. Thank you for reminding me … of the goodness in this world. I.. I remember it now, and I'll keep fighting for it, until the very last."

He felt prepared for the next day, when they both would fight for the goodness in which they believed.

Petra smiled. It was her usual, calm, gentle, sweet smile - the one that made Auruo feel at peace inside.

...

"Petra, may I ask you something?" Auruo asked quietly.

Petra nodded, with an inquiring expression.

"What was it that you and levi were saying … when the … uh, horse incident happened earlier?"

Petra laughed, "Oh, that. Levi mentioned to me how serious you look all the time." In a more serious tone, she added, "But, he also said he admired how seriously you take your work."

...

She was so very kind. She was so very lovely. She really did make the pain go away - not only the pain in his arm, but the pain in his heart, in his mind, in his soul. The pain of desperation, of loneliness, of insecurity - Petra made it _all go away._

Sitting next to her, watching the sun's last rays go down over the grassy fields before them, Auruo was again so certain of the existence of goodness in this world, and the goodness within Petra Ral. He looked down at his carefully-bandaged arm, then up at her eyes, which were staring into the horizon.

Her eyes reflected the same peace which she had given to Auruo, which he would take with him, beyond the walls, amongst the titans, and into the jaws of death, the very next day.

...


End file.
